The PC Guy - Al Lustie

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People have to make life decisions that are never simple.

The importance of the initial  decision should always be examined over the long run.

Memories made  and cherished are sure to be tempered along the way.
 
Consider the  following two choices...


Should You get a  Dog  ....

            ...or have children?

Every bank manager should receive this letter !
 
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in
the New York Times.
 
Dear Sir:
 
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire income, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs
to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of
his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings
with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press the buttons as follows :-
 1. To make an appointment to see me.
 2. To query a missing payment.
 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
 7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new
arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year.
 
Your Humble Client

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TEACHER?
ByJeff Foxworthy

1. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know
exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.
2. You get a secret thrill out of laminating
something.
3. You walk into a store and hear the words
 'It's Ms/Mr. _________' and know you have been spotted.
4. You have 25 people that accidentally call
 you Mom/Dad at one time or another.
5. You can eat a multi-course meal in under
 twenty-five minutes.
6. You've trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and -- prep period
7. You start saving other people's trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something I n the classroom.
8. You believe the teachers' lounge should be
equipped with a margarita machine.
9. You want to slap the next person who says
 'Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off.'
10. You believe chocolate is a food group.
11. You can tell if it's a full moon without
 ever looking outside.
12 You believe that unspeakable evils will
 befall you if anyone says 'Boy, the kids sure are
 mellow today.'
13. You feel the urge to talk to strange
 children and correct their behavior when you are out
 in public.
14. You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin.
15. You think caffeine should be available in
 intravenous form.
16. You spend more money on school stuff than
 you do on your own children.
17. You can't pass the school supply aisle
 without getting at least five items!
18. You ask your friends if the left hand turn
he just made was a 'good choice or a bad choice.'
19. You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.
20. You are secretly addicted to hand
sanitizer and finally,
21. You understand instantaneously why a child behaves a certain way after meeting his or her parents.